Coat Hooks Gone Wild: A Compilation of the World's Craziest Coat Hooks

The humble coat hook is one of the most enduring design elements of the modern home. Virtually unchanged over the last 2,000 years, coat hooks from Pompeii are still not only recognizable but functional. The coat hook is the perfect distillation of architect Louis Sullivan's dictum "form follows function."

If this handy item, in its familiar state, is so incredibly useful, why innovate? Frankly, we're not sure. But that hasn't stopped anyone in the design world from having a go at adding fashion, if not functionality, to the coat hook.

I started this article after spending some time with a friend who wanted something different to hang his hat on. After researching all the options available, my friend made the sensible decision to rely on the traditional (boring?) design.

Here are just a few of the strange and bizarre designs my friend passed up.

Dojo decor: coat hooks for bad-*sses

“Use only that which works, and take it from any place you can find it.”

When Bruce Lee wrote these lines in Tao of Jeet Kune Do, do you think he was talking about these silly things?

Perfect for your mixed-martial arts school, ninjutsu studio, or a samurai's shower, these shuriken coat hooks add a certain lethality to any room. Feel like a medieval Japanese assassin every time you hang up your bathrobe or grab your umbrella!

(Don't remember shurikens? They're the things Lee Van Cleef threw around in the early 80s-era Master Ninja tv show. They're the iconic martial arts weapons pre-teen boys drool over until they're old enough to buy guns.)

To your guests, these babies say, "Yeah, I throw sharp things at my walls!" and "Proud to be a mall ninja!"

Unless you're dating Lucy Liu, you don't want your girlfriend to see these. Trust me on this.

Note: not recommended for cashmere or silk.

I love animals! Well, part of them

James Herriot doesn't approve of this product...

This coat hook design inspires so many questions... Why only butts -- wouldn't dog noses make equally functional coat hooks? Why only dogs, for that matter, instead of horses or rhinoceroses or monkeys?

And, of course, WHY would anyone in the history of the universe ever purchase, let alone display, such a monstrosity?

I refuse to believe this is a real product. Instead, I prefer to think this is a sort of combination honeypot and personality test. I think anyone who orders this product will receive not an assortment of puppy butt coat hangers, but the instant suspension of all credit card accounts and a visit from a psychological SWAT team in white coats who will take you away to a safe place where you'll have your very own room without any sharp objects.

I mean, unless you're a veterinary proctologist. Then I can sort of see the connection.

Note: not recommended.

While I continue to search out the world's strangest and silliest design accents, leave a comment below if you've found anything equally misguided.